Self-Care Isn't Always Pretty (And That's Kinda the Point)
This week's blog post is all about self-care and I'll be the first to say, I am no expert. Not even close. But I'm working on it constantly, and I think that's the most honest place to start.
Being a mom of two young children and a business owner means I am almost always in "give" mode. I'm pouring into my kids, my customers, my brand, my home, and by the time I get to the bottom of the list, there's often nothing left. I try to prioritize my own self-care. I really do. But when the list gets long enough, I'm the first thing I sacrifice.
The All-or-Nothing Trap
Here's something I've been sitting with lately: I'm an all-or-nothing type of person, and that personality trait has not always served me well when it comes to self-care.
If I can't do the whole routine, I struggle to see the point of doing any of it. I'll spend time planning out a perfectly structured week: morning routine, workout schedule, wind-down rituals.. and then when life disrupts the plan (and it always does), I abandon it entirely instead of just adapting.
I'm working on rewiring that. Slowly.
In the spirit of baby steps, I've started getting on the exercise bike for 15 minutes a day. Not to get a "real" workout. Not to hit a calorie goal. Just to build the habit of showing up for myself in a small way, every single day. Some days it's energizing. Some days I'm just going through the motions. But I'm doing it, and that feels like enough right now.
Redefining What Self-Care Actually Looks Like
For a long time, when I thought about self-care, I thought about grand gestures. A long bath. A yoga class. A full spa day. Things that look beautiful in photos and get pinned thousands of times. While those things are lovely, they're not always me and yet I kept measuring myself against them.
I've been leaning into something different lately: figuring out what actually works for my body, my rhythm, my real life. And what I keep coming back to is this: sometimes, the most radical form of self-care is deciding to do nothing.
Not adding another item to the to-do list. Not forcing myself through an activity that looks healthy but feels like a chore. Sometimes it's simply choosing to not do the thing I was planning to do, because I genuinely need a break. That decision, the one that requires me to disappoint a version of myself who had a plan, that can be self-care too.
This Week, the Blog Was My Self-Care
Case in point: this blog post is going up late.
I began a weekly rhythm for content and marketing that's supposed to kick off on Sunday. This past weekend, I took a last-minute 48-hour girls trip (something I almost talked myself out of) and when I got home, my son was sick. The old me would have felt guilty about the trip, pushed through the exhaustion, and sat down at my desk while he rested. Instead, I sat with him. I rested too.
And the world kept turning.
The Quiet Permission Slips
Self-care for me also looks like:
Choosing takeout for dinner on the nights when I've given everything I have and cooking would cost more than it's worth. Leaving dishes in the sink overnight on purpose, because my feet hurt and I've already done enough. Taking a few extra minutes in the morning with a candle burning and a cup of tea before the house wakes up, just to have something that's mine.
When I Am Adding In Something New
When I'm in a season where I have a little more bandwidth and I want to bring in a new self-care practice, these are the things I find myself returning to:
- Therapy: my baseline, non-negotiable
- Massage: also a non-negotiable for me
- Stretching: especially at the end of a long day
- Breathing exercises: underrated and free
- Meditation: even just five minutes
- Journaling: when I need to process something out loud on paper
- Yoga: on days when my body wants it, not when I'm forcing it
- Exercise: in whatever form actually sounds good that day
- Walking: especially outside, enjoying nature
- Music: not background noise, but intentional listening
The key for me is that none of these feel like obligations. The moment self-care becomes another source of guilt, I've lost the motivation.
What I Actually Want You to Take Away
If you're someone who struggles with self-care for the same reasons I do: the all-or-nothing thinking, the guilt, the constant reprioritizing of everyone else's needs, I want you to know that you are not failing.
You're just figuring it out. Same as me.
The goal isn't a perfect routine. It's learning to recognize what your body and mind are asking for, and saying yes to that, even when it looks like rest, or takeout, or a blog post that goes up a few days late.
Be patient with yourself, give yourself grace, and just do your best.